I Would Like Some Opinions?

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:30:43 +0000

First my wife is filing for divorce. Second, my psychologist gave me a diagnosis today of why I acted the way I did that caused my wife to want a divorce (Post dramatic stress disorder). My wife and I married in October 2002 and was pregnant with our daughter who is now 5 1/2 years old. When we first got married everything was great just like any other marriage. I was deployed to afghanistan in 2003 when my daughter was just 3 months old. The day I left I felt like part of me was being ripped apart. As the airplane was taking off with a tractor trailer and a dump truck chained to the floor of the airplane almost crashed. Somehow we started to gain altitude and stabilized about 2 hours into flight. The flight was 14 hours long to our destination. We landed in the dark so we wouldn’t be shot at in flight but we landed just fine. That was my first bad experience. One week into deployment I had to go to view 4 soldiers that just got killed in action and that is when I realized that one of those bodies could be me. As I was standing in formation I felt like I was going to pass out. My heart was racing and felt like running away and ripping my clothes off. Somehow I was able to stand in formation until it ended. I went to the clinic to see if I was having a heart attack. The doctor gave me 2 ekg’s because he did not know why my heart wanted to come out of my chest. After a few hours my heart rate came down a bit. That is when the doc diagnosed me with an anxiety attack. Ever since then I continued to have these attacks even when I came home. I rushed to the hospital 5 to six times since I came home in 2004. I did not notice that I had shut down from everyone when I was there and when I came back home. I was always misserable, I argued a lot, nothing made me happy, did not want to be around people, did not want to see people, spend too much money and everything bothered me. I was never aware of what I was doing to my family until my wife just had it with me and seperated in August 3 of this year. Since then I have been out of control trying to get her back but that just drove her more away from me to the point she hates me. My behavior was never intentional and never meant to hurt her. I am getting the help I need to improve my condition. I want to be happy again and make my family happy but I think is to late. I understand why she wants nothing to do with me but it hurts not to have her in my life just like it was before I was deployed. She now wants to move on and begs me to move on. Our house is for sale she moved to her grandmother and any day now I should be receiving the divorce papers. If any female or male have a significant other that is in the service please do not turn your back to them unless they are abusing you. Get them help because we needed. We went through a traumatic event and we need help. I am now preparing to start my life over again.

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I Would Like Some Opinions?