I Would Like Some Opinions?
First my wife is filing for divorce. Second, my psychologist gave me a diagnosis today of why I acted the way I did that caused my wife to want a divorce (Post dramatic stress disorder). My wife and I married in October 2002 and was pregnant with our daughter who is now 5 1/2 years old. When we first got married everything was great just like any other marriage. I was deployed to afghanistan in 2003 when my daughter was just 3 months old. The day I left I felt like part of me was being ripped apart. As the airplane was taking off with a tractor trailer and a dump truck chained to the floor of the airplane almost crashed. Somehow we started to gain altitude and stabilized about 2 hours into flight. The flight was 14 hours long to our destination. We landed in the dark so we wouldn’t be shot at in flight but we landed just fine. That was my first bad experience. One week into deployment I had to go to view 4 soldiers that just got killed in action and that is when I realized that one of those bodies could be me. As I was standing in formation I felt like I was going to pass out. My heart was racing and felt like running away and ripping my clothes off. Somehow I was able to stand in formation until it ended. I went to the clinic to see if I was having a heart attack. The doctor gave me 2 ekg’s because he did not know why my heart wanted to come out of my chest. After a few hours my heart rate came down a bit. That is when the doc diagnosed me with an anxiety attack. Ever since then I continued to have these attacks even when I came home. I rushed to the hospital 5 to six times since I came home in 2004. I did not notice that I had shut down from everyone when I was there and when I came back home. I was always misserable, I argued a lot, nothing made me happy, did not want to be around people, did not want to see people, spend too much money and everything bothered me. I was never aware of what I was doing to my family until my wife just had it with me and seperated in August 3 of this year. Since then I have been out of control trying to get her back but that just drove her more away from me to the point she hates me. My behavior was never intentional and never meant to hurt her. I am getting the help I need to improve my condition. I want to be happy again and make my family happy but I think is to late. I understand why she wants nothing to do with me but it hurts not to have her in my life just like it was before I was deployed. She now wants to move on and begs me to move on. Our house is for sale she moved to her grandmother and any day now I should be receiving the divorce papers. If any female or male have a significant other that is in the service please do not turn your back to them unless they are abusing you. Get them help because we needed. We went through a traumatic event and we need help. I am now preparing to start my life over again.
November 26th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I am so sorry to hear this
this is very sad. All I can say is, once a womans mind is made up, that’s pretty much it. Im sure she has been feeling this way for years, since you returned in 2004 and its now 2008. All I can say is, you learn lessons the hard way in life sometimes. And this is one of those times. You cant help what you went through, but maybe next time you are in a relationship you will know that you cant just shut people out i mean not without at least opening up about why you feel certain ways, which in your case is your deployment. I would take a while to myself if I were you, until you feel emotionally and spiritually and PHYSICALLY healthy. I am very sorry. I truly wish that somehow you can get your family back.
November 26th, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Good for you for doing the right thing by seeking help, and God bless you for serving your country, all the best
November 26th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
I am sorry you are going through this tough time in your life, I know how it feels to lose your spouse. I was served with divorce papers.and that was the least thing I wanted. I loved my husband very much but it happened. Now it’s been several years. He’s been roaming around me lately but I don’t know.What I am trying to tell you is don’t give up, you have not lost your family as of yet maybe this separation will do the relationship some good. But at the same time she was use to having you away for long periods of time.Someone like you with your courage and determination and heart can recover your family. It seems to me you came with those traumas and your mind was still in the place. It probably made you feel, what is the point of all this. Have we accomplished anything with all this?. I think not.so many men and women have perished for what.You need to get help therapist or a psychologist to help deal with your trauma due tall that you’ve gone through.You both have a little girl you will definitely see each other again and once you get the help. You will be the same man she married years ago, of course it will take a lot of effort from your part.
I know that you can accomplish it. If you over there you can endure anything. I wish well to you and you loves.
Good Luck,
Chao
November 26th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Thank you for your service to our country…I watched my brother go through his PTSD when he got home from Viet Nam after his second tour.
Since you’re already being counseled, in time you’ll be able to overcome all the ugliness of what you went through overseas so you won’t have to live with the torment.
You don’t seem to be harboring ill will towards your wife and you’ve accepted responsibility for your actions – that along with counseling is a huge step in the right direction!
We can’t always go back and make things better when we’ve mucked them up but with even more growth on your part, maybe you and your wife can pull some semblance of good parenting skills together for your daughter.
I wish you well on your journey – and again, thank you.
November 27th, 2009 at 2:54 am
im sorry you have ptsd. My husband has it to. he is still in the service and served time overseas. sometimes he wakes up and in the middle of the night and takes his shotgun out and searches the whole house for no reason. He also has trouble sleeping, anxiety and bipolar. You will be ok. It takes a strong woman to stay with a man who has served his country. You just haven’t found that woman. It will come. I promise.
November 27th, 2009 at 8:27 am
I would just explain to her that you didn’t really know what was happening with you during your deployment to Afghanistan and also after your return home,and let her know how much it hurt you to be away from her and your daughter,and how you thought of them everyday,and how you were so concerned seeing your fellow soldiers being killed in action,that you were concerned for their well being (your wife and daughter) if that were to be you,and that it frightened you to think that you may never have seen them again.Just be completely honest with her,let her know how much you still need her and your daughter and how much you love them.And let her know that you are getting the help that you so desperately need for your Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and tell her how much you would appreciate it if she would give your marriage one more try,and try to explain to her exactly how you felt being over there without them,your fears,your loneliness,everything.And just tell her if she could just find it in her heart to give you another chance,she’ll never again have to doubt your love for her and your daughter.Best of luck to you and your family,I hope everything works out the way you want it to.God Bless You,and a million thank you’s from the bottom of my heart for everything that you have sacrificed for our freedom,I no longer take freedom for granted.God Bless You All!!! Again I hope your wife finds it in her heart to give you another chance,especially since you are getting treatment for your illness.
November 27th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I wish you the best of luck with starting over. My friend went through the same exact thing. When he came home I didn’t know how to help him because he always seemed so negative. He told me that the things he saw and went through no man on earth should ever have to witness because it’s always in his dreams. He is one of my best friend’s and I stood by him no matter what. I wish things had turned out differently with you and your family but it’s hard for some people to stick around when times get hard.
God Bless!!!!!!!
November 27th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Thank you for sharing so much of your emotions- that would not have been easy to do and I give you full respect for doing so.
My suggestion is that you show her exactly what is written here, she needs to understand the torment and pain that you went through over there, she more than likely will be troubled becuase all she could see was the anger you have bottled up, not the other emotions involved.
If its easier to write her a letter then do so, do it anyway you can so she can see what you have been through.
If she truly loves you then she will accept it and will move forward with you, and understand what you have been going through. If she doesnt understand it and isnt prepared to stand by you and work through it together then it is her that is braking your marriage vows, not you.
November 27th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Congratulations on getting some help for Post-Traumatic Stress I really hope that you are able to find the right treatment for it and that you are able to recover from the anxiety attacks. It is best that you move on with your life without your family, even though it hurts at the moment, it is the best thing to do so you can sort yourself out. Good luck.